Thursday, August 30, 2007

H2O-Harot strikes twice!


I don't know if this is an icebreaker or what but I find it funny (and cheap haha pero share ko na din). Last July yata yun (sorry d ako sure), pababa kame ng officemates ko sa canteen to have lunch. May kasabay kme sa elev (d ko na specify kung ano meron sa kanila,period!). Then, si Manang Eden na nag ooperate ng elevator katabi ko. Tapos tinatapik nya yung sa may hita or balakang ko. E may kiliti ako so natatawa ako ng konti and I gave her signs to stop it. Pero am 100% sure na hindi eskandalosa yung tawa ko nun dahil may hiya naman ako sa mga nakasabay namin. Nung before magbreak ng 3pm, may nag approach samen na officemate. May nagsumbong nga daw na ang "harot" daw nung naka maroon sa elevator kanina which pertains to me dahil ganung color suot ko non. And even asked us if we know kng sino yung nakasabay namin. Sobrang nagpantig yung tenga ko sa sumbong na yun kc exag! And the term!Im not playing around lalo.Nakikipagbiruan ako sa ibang tao pero di naman scxandalous.Para ipagkalat mo ng ganun sa office namin, why not tell it to me directly?Dahil ba alam niya na "malicious" yung sumbong nya. Of course initial reaction ko is maasar hinde dahil nahurt ako sa incident na yun kundi dahil ang nonsense ng issue at parang inexag niya yung balitang yun. Kumbaga sa war e nakakita ka ng weak point ng kalaban tas inatake mo agad ng sunud sunud na bomba. Anyways, people around made me calm and told me na wag na lang pansinin yun kc wla na nga lang daw maipintas yun kaya naghahanap ng butas.Ang stand ko nmn ay I dont care who you are bsta alam kong mali ka and you're hitting me,lalaban ako. And ayoko nung behind my back.if my prob ka saken, harapin moko kesa para kang bubuyog na nag bubuzz around.DUH! But I still tried to be calm and hold on to that little respect na natitira for that person dahil may respeto ako sa matanda. So days have passed by and naging cold na yung issue na yun.I see that person na nagkalat ng issue na yun and nagsmile naman sya sken,nagsmile nman ako in return and told my officemate na saken ok na kya kng yung smile nya ay plastik,not my prob anymore. Ganon lang naman kc ako,magagalit pero lilipas din basta naman nakita kong nag initiate na ng move yung kabilang party.So tapos na...Pero kala ko lang pala na tapos na. Last Aug. 28, pagchek ko ng fon ko pag uwe ng bahay,may 2 missed calls ako at di nakaregister saken yung number. I was about to text that number but naunahan nya ko.The first message was Jemellee?and i replied naman ng yes,cno ka po? I was shocked sa next reply nya na sabe,"Napagsabihan ka na noon tungkol sa kaharutan mo,ang ingay mo pa din". Isang big WHAT??? una sa lahat di ko ma-take yung term nya. oo, i speak loud pro d nman to the point na nkakasira ng eardrum and lately,even before nagstart ako magpost dito, ilang weeks nako in dilemma about what path to take so I'm just being quiet and bihira nako lumabas din ng office unlike before.And my officemates would even say na ano bang prob ko,bakit ang tahimik ko na daw.Actually,ilang months na nilang sinasabe yun. So I was really shocked upon receiving of the text message. And puzzled kung saan nanggagaling yun. Pero nagpakumbaba pa din ako despite na foul na ung sinabe nyang yun. Nagsorry pa din ako if i disturbed him/her for that incident na hindi ko alam when nangyare. So I thought okay na. Tapos nagreply na naman sya na akala ko ba may respeto ka sa matanda, bakit ka nag baback fight?Isang malaking HUH?? na naman ulit yun. I don't know where it came from.And sobra na yata yung sinasabe saken. So I fought back na. Nagreply nako ng,"First of all po, yung allegedly na harot thing ay di ko matatanggap kc if you were there,you'd see na I was just smiling (d ko nga kc maconsider na tawa yung ginawa ko kc may hiya naman ako sa mga nakasabay namin) to manang and giving her signs to stop tickling me.With all due respect po,kung sino man kayo, don't judge me because of hearsay. I won't justify myself sa mga nagpasalin salin lang na kwento at d po ko lumaki na pumapatol sa sabi sabi lang. at yung backfight thing,if you really know me,you'd know it's not true.Kaya kung meron po gumusto manira saken, good luck na lang po sa kanila". Tapos di na sya nagreply, buti naman!

I want to emphasize na ang cheap ng issue nila and means of disturbing me. Una sa lahat, mali yung accusations nila..and so what kung totoo nga na napatawa ako ni manang eden?Offensive ba yung makipagsayahan ka sa mga taong tulad nila? Wala ka naman sinaktan na tao or inistorbo sa pagkakataong 'yon. At kung tumawa man ako,hindi naman rinig from ground floor to 14th floor. at 'eto lang ang pinakamataray na sasabihin ko:"Look who's talking!!!" Di ako naghuhugas ng kamay pero everybody knows =)At pano ako naging maharot sa lagay na yun?e D yung iba sobrang galawgaw na??! Sa second incident, I don't know who was doing it. But i'm sure she/he's a coward and an immature creature na ewan ko ba kung bakit pa nag exist.Sobrang clueless ako kase in the first place,nananahimik ako. Second, san nanggaling yang backfight issue?Ibig nya ba sabhin na ang bait ko sa kanya pag nakaharap ako tapos pag nakatalikod kung ano ano pinagsasasabe ko?I know some people who are like that, definitely am not!i'm the type of person na pag di kita feel, di ako mag iinitiate na ibefriend ka or igreet ka.Alam yan ng lahat ng nakakakilala saken. And kung ayaw ko sa tao pero nag initiate sha na ibridge yung gap na yun, wala na saken kung anuman issue meron noon. Kung plastik sila saken, problema na nila yun. If they are affected saken, ako hindi. Kaya kung problema nila ako, di ko sila poproblamahin.Hindi ako magsasalita ng against sa isang tao unless I'm pushed. At kung ang basis nila yung nasabe ko after the first incident, papanindigan ko yun sinabe ko. Right ko na magreact kung alam kong below the belt na yung sinasabe saken at they mean na sirain ako. Kung akala nila I'm someone na tatahimik na lang at magpapasindak sa kanila, I'm not!I've had enough and if before tumatahimik na lang ako,ngayon di na. And what I hate the most e pati ba naman sa text e they would try to bother me. Bakit di nalang harapan??Dahil ba babalik sa kanya lahat ng binabato nya saken? kung may problema sila saken, harapan nilang sabihin sa akin,wag nila ako daanin sa anonymous text. And yes, papanindigan ko na may respeto ako sa matanda.Actually kahit kanino naman basta karespe respeto. So to someone who's doing it, if you want me to respect you, earn it. And I'm sure na ang mga tao lang na mag aagree or matutuwa sa incident na 'to e yung tulad nyang may bad feeling against me na wala din maipintas saken. I don't care if pansinin nyo how I dress up, how many pimples do I have,inyo na lahat ng compliments.Di po ko insecure (na tulad nyo). At para patulan nyo yung ganon paraan, below sea level ang iq nyo at mataas pa sa Mt. everest ang insecurity nyo. ^_^ Sabagay, sino ba lage hinihila pababa?Sino ba lagi inaapi sa mga movies?Well, well, well =) Thanks nga pala sa mga tao na kahit di ko kaclose eh pinagtanggol ako. i want to share this quote: If you weren't worth anything, they would not bother" =) and this punchline,"...dear, hating me won't make you prettier". God bless

Friday, August 24, 2007

Life,oh Life...oh..Life!


Lately, I'm having a dilemma about my career. Will I stay with this company or pursue what I really want?These thoughts give me a headache..and tears (sigh). As what I've said to my friend when he asked about my silence,it's very jem. I'm having a hard time to let go of something that has been part of my life. The thought is enough to make me cry. It's hard to say goodbye to the good old days. I will surely miss the laughters and crazy things I've experienced and most of all the people who are with me 5 days a week. But if I won't take a step forward, I won't get what I want. This is the sad truth about life. Most of the time, we're just conditioning ourselves that we're already contented of what we have but at the back of our minds,we're just too scared to take a move to reach our dreams. What hurts the most is that you know you're about to sacrifice and let go of what you used to have just to start walking towards your dream. By this time, I'm still having a hard time deciding and I just want to enjoy my silence. I don't want to go out or mingle with people. I don't want to attach myself more to them. This time, I just want me....and my sanity.

Struggle...Fight...Stand!


Sometimes you become the person you never thought you could be. Looking back in the past, you'll just see yourself smiling and wondering how you survived all the hardships you've had. Life will really give you heaven and hell. But it really is your choice how you would welcome these things as they come. I would admit that every day of my life is a struggle... Struggle to live, struggle to maintain what I have and struggle to become numb for all the pain. Most of the time, I just sit back and let my mind run through these things.. I remember how messy my life was and how much strength I needed just to stand up again. Every bit of memories crushes my heart. It still pains me. Lots of regrets... Lots of things that I wish I did not do... But too late to blame myself. Everything has already happened. People would ask me, "Why are you that strong?Didn't you feel any anger to those who messed up w/ you?" I just bowed my head and said,"You would think I am not real if I said no but it's the truth. I didn't feel angry... I was hurt.It's two different things. Anger would cause me no good. In everything I have experienced, I only learn one thing: LET GO. Pain would bring tears and yes it feels like hell but look at me now. I wouldn't become this strong and genuine person if I never encountered the hard ways..."
I used to ask God to give me this and that, to bless me those things, to send me him,etc... Now, I'm just thankful for everything He gives me and feel blessed about it. I would not ask for more because everytime I wake up is more than just a blessing. I'm so thankful that He gave me a perfect heart to manage all the emotions I'm going through and I feel that I'm becoming a better person every day. He gives me choices that I know are just His ways to make me become more faithful and to trust His plans for me when I can't seem to go on.
And now that I'm having a hard time deciding what path to take, I lift up everything to Him. He hears my heart and I know He will bless me. If i'm going to stay here or not, I know in time I'll find the answer. But for now, I'm gathering all the strength I need to move on... It's hard and I'll surely miss the people who are with me for more than a year (almost 2 years when I leave) but life's like that. Just go on and let go. I'll find the light and I know I'll be alright. It takes me too many sighs just having these thoughts but I have to spread my wings and fly... I hope I would land on where my happiness really belongs. I never thought I would be this tough to pursue my quest for my dreams. Well, I've been down for many times... I know if I would undergo another trial/s, I would make it just like before... Never did I think of quitting the fight!^_^